.Ethan?” She says his name quietly, and I blanch. “What about him?” I ask, sitting up in my seat a little further. She smiles. “Chanel, I’ve known you for over five years,” she says as if that should halt any further resistance. And it’s working. Not just because she’s my best friend, but because part of me has been aching to talk to someone since the intensity of this afternoon. Should I? Fuck. “Uh..” I reply, racking my brain for the right move. And just gave myself away for not immediately denying anything. A concerned look spreads on Aaliyah’s face. “What is it?” She asks. Her dark eyes etched with worry and curiosity hold me. I exhale heavily and drop my face in my hands. “I fucked him,” I mumble. “You what?” She asks surprised. “I fucked him, Aaliyah.” I pick up my head and look at her. Her eyes are the widest I’ve ever seen them. “When?” She asks, breaking her catatonic gaze. She’s well aware that Ethan is married. I met her right before I met him, and we’ve all been. Mike and I have been locked in what Jamie calls a “Cold War” for the last couple months and I’m at the end of my rope. We aren’t really fighting …. in fact, we haven’t spoken to each other at all in quite some time … but the tension is continuous. I dread going home after work because I never know what kind of mood he’s going to be in when I get there. Will he be screaming at me, go back to the constant demanding of the past few years, or will he just continue to ignore me altogether?Friends keep telling me I shouldn’t have to live under someone’s thumb like this, and they’re right: love is supposed to be sweet and fulfilling, not painful and tragic. I shouldn’t have to be afraid to answer the phone, or feel the need to always park in the same spot at work just in case he decides to drive by and check up on me. I’m standing at the edge of divorce looking down, and I don’t know how much longer I can deal with it.As I’m sitting here contemplating the future, I realize that after almost.
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