The main difference was that I wasn't the slightest bit scared of people any more. Knowing that you can't really be hurt has a way of liberating you. I tried to remember the last time I had been intimidated by someone, but the only one I could recall was my mother — my biological mother. Even she had lost her hold on me. Once I understood her, our roles had reversed and I had become more concerned with her well-being than she with mine.Bubba and Leon had scared me at first, but it was more over what they might do to my friends and family before I could stop them. Once I knew I was strong enough to beat them, they held no real terror for me. If those two didn't scare me, then there wasn't likely to be much walking around on two legs that could. Knowing that I could pound someone into sand if they pissed me off bad enough had a great deal of influence on how I related to people.I stopped stock-still on the sidewalk as something we had learned about in History came back to me. It was a. "He knows things," she said softly."What things?" I really don't want to talk about it. We're not exclusive so, if you really want to know, I'll introduce you to him." Is he at least a hunk?" I almost winced as I heard it come out of my mouth. She was taken with this guy and I was trying to find out if there was any justification whatsoever."He looks nice enough, though probably not what you would call a hunk."This was like pulling teeth. I was asking open-ended questions and she was giving me clipped responses. "So who introduced you to this," don't use derisive words, "special guy?" Candy." No fucking way." It just slipped out. Candy was the other girl who had been AWOL. Jennifer was offering no unsolicited information so I had to press on. "So what is it that's so special about this guy?" He's sweet and sincere. He treats me with respect, not at all like a sex object. And he has such a quiet self confidence it's hard not to be captivated by him." Do I hear love?" Not exactly. I.
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