‘Every time she walks out the door, she’s putting our baby’s life on the line. That’s the only baby I’m ever going to have. You see what I’m saying? Naturally, I haven’t told her any of this, it’s a tough enough life for her without me unloading on her. Understand? ‘Now, about this movie deal. You got her all excited about that. I sort of like the idea, too. No more heavy tricking, no more late hours. Perfect. Except for one thing.’ Stick’s voice dropped an octave and suddenly became harsh. ‘I think that movie stuff is bullshit. I think you guys are just lookin’ for a party girl to give you some free tail. You also want a freak over there. That’s me, the man who fucks with his tongue. That’s why I’m bummed!’ Now I understood why Stick felt bitter. I sympathized more than he knew. It must be a terrible blow to a man’s pride to be forced to live on his wife’s earnings as a prostitute through, as he saw it, no fault of his own. I wondered what he would have said had he known what I had. Helen came up with a solution. I quite like her even if she is old enough to be my mother. She's friendly and doesn't go blabbing what I say to the others. "Why don't you come and do voluntary work with me on the children's ward?" I wasn't too keen to be around squalling brats but she said that it wasn't like that and I would get to play with their toys or help with their therapy. In the end I was persuaded to go and I did enjoy it most of the time. Sometimes though it was extremely sad. You go in one morning and a child that had seemed lively and friendly the previous day wasn't there and, after the first time, you knew better than to ask what happened.Almost on the last day of my suspension, I went into town with Su Lee and met Ben and got invited to another party at the weekend. I was in two minds as to going but that day a little girl I'd played with for weeks suddenly was missing and I knew it wasn't because she'd gone home. I was very depressed over it so I decided to go but I.
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