Our home was disgusting. I lived in fear that Child Protective Services would somehow find out and take my beloved child from me. I cleaned as I could, but I could only do as much as my baby would allow. A load of laundry here, a sink of dishes there was all I could manage. Running the vacuum or scrubbing the toilet would have to wait. At some point in this madness, and possibly sensing no end to it, my husband told me at last that his love for me was gone entirely. That he was no longer attracted to me. That he felt resentful toward me. That I had changed too much. After a week of constant crying, of self harming for the first time in years, of sleeping on a palette of piled sheets and blankets in the nursery next to my baby’s crib, he came to me. He said he’d been wrong. He said he never meant a word, that he just needed to ‘get it out’. He had needed to see me hurting over him. We resumed. I began to put forth more effort. I truly believed that more effort on my part was really. Feeling nervous, Denise answered, "You caught Larry and I having a romantic interlude. While I'll agree that it probably was not the best time and place, I will argue that it wasn't dirty. He and I are lovers. We were doing what lovers do. I was giving him pleasure." But... ," Alice said.Interrupting her, Denise said, "You should do that for Dad. I'm sure that he'd enjoy it." That's disgusting," Alice said.Denise said, "The first hundred times you do it, you might feel that way. Then one day you'll wake up and see it for what it really is — a very intimate and personal way to give pleasure to a man." Don't lecture me about sex, young lady," Alice said."I will lecture you about sex. Until I entered the program, I had never had sex with the same man more than one time. I was a lousy fuck. No man in today's world is going to marry a lousy fuck," Denise said leaning towards her mother and pointing a finger at her. She added, "Do you know why I was a lousy fuck? I'll tell you why. I.
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