No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family. All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal? How do you tell it to speak with your head and actually listen? To understand that this pain, this appalling heartache, could and will happen again if I continue to do this to myself. I know my dream is a warning of what will, undoubtedly, come to pass for me and that it is yet another attempt at my head trying to bombard me with rationalism. This fact is what holds me back and what keeps that impossible dream lingering. I understand that it is only my mind rehashing the trauma and fear in order to protect my body from further damage. Knowing this gives me hope that. And what was worse was that he was with the same woman. ‘More than once?’ ‘Three weeks in a row, Friday night at the ‘Locker’ on Bridge Street.’ He’s having an affair. Well that would explains everything. Bella’s head was spinning. He’s probably in love with her, She thought to herself. Bella must have looked stunned, Elizabeth waited but Bella just sat there staring off into space. Elizabeth couldn’t help herself, she burst into tears. ‘I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to tell you.’ Bella assured her that everything would be alright, even though she had no idea whether or not her marriage was over. ♂♀ Bella wanted to avoid the ‘do you love her’ question, but desperately wanted to know the answer. It was important, David had always claimed that she was the only women he ever loved. If she were just one of many their relationship was nothing special, just legitimized fucking. Bella understood her own logic, but knew just how bizarre it was to think nothing of her husband screwing.
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