He reassured her again. ? She said, ?I worry about you seeing me naked. You say youthink I?m beautiful, but I don?t feel beautiful, I feel fat.? He pushed a little: ?Since this is so important for you,maybe I should challenge you when we meet.? She laughed, as if he were joking. ?You are beautiful. If you arecollared, it will be because you accept what I see.? But even when she was frightened, she wanted to submit. ?Iwant to accept what you want from me,? she told him one night, late enough thatthe crickets had become quiet outside his window. When he asked her about her fearof exhibition and public play, she told him: ?I don?t want to give you a list. Iwant you to help me break down my limits and beat my defenses. ?My fantasies and fears control me now; I don?t want them tolimit me anymore.? Unlike many, who had a list of ?requirements? they broughtout even before they showed they had a desirable service to offer, pita nevertried to ?interview? him. She planned, she said, to offer. ’ Alan said that was due to the nature of the terrain. ‘Behind these hills you see sloping into the water are hills abutting each other in a rippling effect that continue for miles and miles and occasionally rise up to 4000 feet high. Such terrain provides a nightmare for road-makers and would make navigation very difficult for drivers. Anyway such construction of a network of roads would be absurdly uneconomic because of the very low density of residential population.’ ‘Oh I understand,’ she giggled. ‘Olivia told me you were an engineer.’ ‘Oh an engineer who was boring?’ ‘No quite the reverse Alan. She said in the short time she was here she felt the need to remind herself that she’d become engaged only recently to her boyfriend, an airline pilot.’ ‘Oh she never mentioned she was planning to marry.’ ‘And how long was she here Alan – three hours I think she said.’ ‘Oh yeah, scarcely time for deep confessions.’ They laughed. Lydia looked at the rather dilapidated cottage and then.
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