As if never satisfied with what he drew or as if wanting to capture all of her changing facial expressions, he was fascinated with her face enough to paint her portrait over and over and over again. When looking at his portraits of her, recognizing every thought she had behind every portrait he painted, her portraits were literally her field of dreams, thoughts, whims, fantasies, and desires. How could he do that? How could he capture the essence of her in a moment of time with just a few pencil strokes and colors on a canvas? More than flattered, this was amazing. She felt so special, so very special to be the subject and the main focus of his art. Just as these portraits were extraordinary, as an artist and as the man he had morphed to become he was extraordinary too. It’s as if she was royalty living back in the 17th century and had a portrait artist following her around to capture the right moment before painting her picture. These portraits were snapshots of her life captured. And that is what I can give you. I too am missing sex in my marriage. But I am also missing so many more things than you. And I long for those to return. That moment of intimacy with your wife after the vacation you had, I know it was good for you. Part of you wanted to continue the wonderful time spent together being close and sharing. I get it. I understand it. I want it for me. You are amazing Arie. You fulfill one of my needs as I do yours. However, I’m realizing that I have so many more that need to be fixed. And when it smacks me in the face, I hurt for it. And I guess your text did just that. I wanted to tell you that at lunch, but when I saw you and how happy you were and those big brown eyes looking at me so carefree, I didn’t want to ruin it. I know what we have, truly I do. It’s purely sexual. And I really thought I was able to separate sex from feelings. I thought if I could have sex like a man purely to just have sex without guilt, feelings or emotions, it would be fun..
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