“Married? Bit of a surprise I have to confess.”To my horror, she placed her hand very deliberately on mine and smiled. The smile felt, to me, like that of a shark spying a surfer’s foot. I am sure I shuddered. “I haven’t changed entirely, darling,” horrifying squeeze of my hand, “George and I,” here she paused for dramatic effect, “swing.” How I did not piss myself laughing I have no idea. Prissy Portia Parsons swinging! As likely as the Queen getting her tits out for the trooping of the colour. “You must come for supper one evening. We have a lot of fun.”That was NOT going to happen. How I got through that lunch I shall never know. Gloria Somerville, a fellow troupe member, was one of those actresses who had nearly made it, missed it, and began accepting the solace of drink until it became the only way she got through each performance. A functioning alcoholic, just like Lionel Sheridan, male lead, they usually made it through the performance with occasional mishaps.Lionel, famously,. ?How old are you young lady???Nineteen sir.??Well at least she?s polite,? Doc snorted.?Is this your first time away from home?? Matt inquired sympathetically.?Yes sir,? she sniveled.?But that?s no reason to steal young lady," Marshal Dillon lectured. ?IfMiss Russell here wants to press charges I?ll have to take yain.??To jail! Oh!... Please no!? the terrified young ladyblurted as she rosefrom her seat and backed against a wall.Matt got a puzzled look on his face, trying to decide what to do about thispetty thief. He looked at Doc."Well dadburnit,"Doc chimed in. ? I know what I?d do!?"What's that you old buzzard?" Festus scowled."Well by Golly, where I came from...anybody caught stealin?like this wouldget a whoopin!?They all looked at Doc, quizzically. Kitty snickered .Matt kind of smirked.The young lady?s eyes got as big as saucers.Matt gazed at Miss Kitty. ?If I spank this little thief, will you drop thecharges???Yes Matt.??Very well then. It?s either that or jail,? Mattdeclared.
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