“Go to your own bed,” I answered, “Now.” Then, Sonya moved her head from the position she was in, still with her thigh draped over me, and kissed me on the mouth. I remained still, with my lips tightly closed, not responding in any way. She drew back from the kiss, and I said, “Sonya, go to your bed now.” Sonya moved her left hand up from under the covers, and she gently touched the centre of my forehead with her index finger. “Up here,” she said, “you want me to go.” Then, she moved her hand down, and touched my erect cock through my pyjamas, and she said, “Down there, you don’t.” I could feel myself wanting to give in, but I remained motionless, and I said, “Please go.” Sonya kissed me again, but I refused to respond in any way, keeping my lips closed, my face stony. She drew back from the kiss again, and said, “Leon, I love you more than any other person on earth. I know what it’s like to be fucked by a boy. Now I want you to show me what it’s like to make love with a. Rape was a part of my psyche from the very beginning. Its been over 40 years since I started down this road, and although my other memories of that time are fuzzy, my first experiences with rape are still vivid in my mind.I guess it started an early age, maybe 8 or 9, when I found a big bunch of BDSM mags back in the woods. Although I doubt I totally understood what was going in the pictures, my first sexual memories were of jacking off to women being tied up, whipped and abused. During class I would daydream about keeping the girl sitting next to me tied up naked in my closet and the things I would do to her when I got home from school. It was early '70s and porn was was starting to loosen up and become more extreme and my own tastes were following along as I grew up. I was pretty much able to get any sort of porn I wanted as the guy that owned and ran the local porn store had a thing for me. I "affectionally" referred to him the Old Fag. We first met when he caught me.
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