Anything to steal a moment. A waiter walks past with a tray of hors d’oeuvres, ignoring me as though I do not exist. ‘I am going to kill you.’ He says as we push out of the doors, and into a small hallway. I feel my eyes go blurry as tears fill over the brims. In moments, there is cool air on my face, cold air where the tears streaked, and finally the lump in my throat deflates enough to talk. ‘Why–why kill me?’ I feel his hand leave my neck as we stop. He pulls the silver case from me, and it makes a jingling clatter on the sidewalk as it breaks into halves, spilling cigarettes over the sidewalk. The sprinklers are on. The smell of freshly cut, wet grass is overpowering, but the world is just a blurry, shaky eight millimeter film to me, complete with sepia and scratches. I know this feeling. My mind is beginning to blank. The fear drowning in numbness, but the tears don’t stop. I’m not sobbing, but I wish I were. I feel his hand on my shoulder, pushing me to my knees, and my legs. Not with Ken either. It was fun doing what we did. And it isn’t even that I want it to be with someone special the first time. I just don’t think that it should be with one of them.“But I think about it a lot lately and I don’t think it will be much longer before I find myself in a situation that the guy I’m with seems like a good candidate. To be blunt, I have been very horny lately and I can see myself lowering the bar before long. Not the sort of thing a girl my age likes to say to her parents at the dinner table.”Dad seem to be staying out of this. Mom chuckled and said, “We appreciate your candor. I know how hard this discussion is for you. We might have just let it go but your dad says you saw him at your door and we need to clear the air. Besides, bondage can be very exciting. But we need to make sure you aren’t doing something dangerous. You know how dumb teenagers can be!”I knew she was teasing. But I looked at Tyler and he rolled his eyes and said, “I’m not going to show.
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