‘Dear Mike: I am sorry I pulled away from you last night when you kissed me, but I didn’t feel it was the right time. I do have some strong feelings for you and I am pretty sure that you want more than just sex from me. I would love to explore a more permanent relationship with you, but you have to take it slow for reasons you already know. Give me time and I promise that it will be worth you wait, and I know that you will be totally and completely satisfied for the wait. Carla’ I stared at the email, and realized that she had me pegged real well. I really did want to have a more serious relation ship with her, and not just a one night stand. I had just read her wrong. I emailed her back and said, ‘ I can be a snail if you want.’ That was the answer that she was looking for. We started to date and had the usual dates, movies, dinners, walks, sporting events, and even the theatre once. In late fall as my birthday was coming up, she had asked me to go shopping with her. She was looking. ” She looked away. “Yeah.” I rolled off her and faked a giant sigh as if I was exhausted. “Long day, huh?” Pam asked. “Big time,” I said. “I think I’m still hungover from last night.” This was a lie of course, but I had to say something. After “resting,” I took my condom off, laid in the Vitruvian Man position, and let Pam tickle me again to satisfy her sadism, eventually busting in her mouth. She swallowed because I told her it was “unsexy” for girls to not swallow (which is true). I left shortly after, leaving Pam to ponder the disappointment my Sex Peasant status. Maybe if she douched beforehand, I could have given it to her good. I think girls should meet once a month to inspect each other—make sure it doesn’t smell down there, shave off that patch of hair on their ass, etc. Then I could have been a real Sex God. Instead, all I have is a stinky excuse for going soft. Epilogue A month later, while drunk at Woody’s again, I ran into Pam. We said a few words and introduced each.
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