She didn't want to see me hurt again, she said. I didn't say anything to Sis about seeing her. I was beginning to think I was mistaken.It took a long time for me to get over thinking I saw Mary. At night, my dreams would be filled with her face ... her new face ... the one I saw at the mall. I couldn't convince myself that it was anyone else but her. It must have been her. Why would I have reacted to just a flash moment of seeing her? I knew I was obsessing about her, but I couldn't seem to stop. She was haunting me. She was supposed to be dead and she was haunting me. Was I ever going to be able to get over this?I went to the mall every day off that I had, weekday or weekend. I went at noon because that is when I had seen her the first time. I began to think it might be that she came at other times. Or perhaps she didn't come very often at all. Maybe my seeing her was just a fluke, a once in a lifetime coincidence. I couldn't bring myself to accept that. I couldn't allow myself to. As far as they told me, it seems to be working pretty good. I'm supposed to be getting released in a few more days." Your mother told me you really look terrible. She says you weigh like a hundred pounds now. She says that I'm to blame." That's not true. I'm to blame. It was congenital, so maybe her and my dad are to blame too. Bad genes or something. Besides, I weigh like one fifty now and the doctor says I'll gain the weight right back in the next couple of months. Mom is just trying to meddle in our problems is all. She is upset about what I did. Did she tell you she punched me and knocked me down?" No, she didn't tell me, but Theresa did. You deserved it too. And a lot worse. I saw you right before you got sick, and I knew something was the matter with you. You looked so skinny and pathetic. I almost started feeling sorry for you." There's no need. I feel sorry enough for me all by myself. I can't even start to tell you how sorry I feel Ellen. For what I did. I wish I hadn't, but.
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