Stinging. My vision blurs for a second, my mouth is tacky and dry. I have no fucking idea where they are. I can’t fucking do anything. I am utterly fucking helpless.“FUCK!!” I scream to the ceiling.My computer chimes again, this time an incoming email. A zoom call invite. Fuck that shit. Is Tom really that fucking delusional to think I’m going to go over PCS reports at 12:45 AM while my motherfucking marriage is on the brink of unraveling?I reach to slam the laptop closed and notice that the invite is not from work. The return address is a Gmail I don't recognize. The subject attached reads: You’re invited to join the fun!Opening the feed, I maximize the screen. My nerves are frayed, trembling with anger mixed with an odd dose of intrigue. The link brings me to a holding screen waiting for the host to start the meeting. It has to be them.I drum my fingers on the table. “Come on! C’mon, c’mon c’mon… Open, dammit!”Three excruciating minutes pass before the video connects and I can see. One day on zoom call in July I was in one of my translucent tops Tim asked me to allow one other male to enter our meeting, I sorta agreed as it was happening, (I have to click to allow the connection and it was almost an auto response) thinking it would probably be Terry, but it wasn’t, it was another guy from one of our other offices, I tried to act as if everything was normal, but I actually felt quite good about it and deliberately prolonged the call. I was thinking how much I was exposed or not, maybe he didn’t have a good connection or resolution on his laptop, and anyway my top was not truly see thru, just a bit translucent.After everyone signed off I went to make myself a coffee forgetting about how I was dressed, more thinking about the work to be done. As I stood in the kitchen drinking my coffee and wondering how I’d do Tim’s assignment for him, both my sons and another friend came in, I only remembered how I was dressed by their reactions reflected in their eyes. Maybe it.
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