"You've got it quite comfortable here, haven't you?" She sat down in the one armchair in the room.She was right. Ally Wishaw, my boss at the packing firm where I worked, knew I was a pretty good designer and she obviously thought it was worth her while to see I got a few creature comforts. I had a comfortable apartment in a mixed block (that's unusual; the male only rooms are on separate floors from the couple and the female apartments, of course), some nice furniture, a good TV (with the ident card reader, of course). I've even got a view down over the local park and while the men's door is at the back of the building I can still walk past the elegant art deco front and think, that's nice, I live there.I took a quick look at my caller. Of course I wasn't staring. I didn't want to make things worse but she was certainly a striking looking girl. The Bureau paid their staff well and they seemed to spend their money on clothes. Mostly they were girls not long out of college. Often they. After more than an hour of looking atthe pills and fighting my natural instinct to stay alive, I gave up, andput the pills back in their bottle, and shook with agony and grief untilI fell asleep.The next day, I went out to a quiet field behind my house, sat down, andlooked up in the sky.Then I started screaming.I shouted as loudly as I could, calling God every name I could think of,using more swear words in this speech than I had used in the sixteenyears previous. I think my idea was to get God so mad at me he'd do whatI couldnt do the night before and end my life.By the time I was finished speaking, I was hoarse and my face was wetfrom tears.Then something amazing happened.It's hard to describe, but it was like I was no longer looking at acloudy sky, I was looking right at the throne of God.And He was looking right at me.And instead of looking like he was angry, or disgusted with me, ordisappointed in me, he looked at me and loved me.He looked at me, and loved me.As clearly as if.
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