It was a disaster. She was obviously disgusted. She never dimed me out about it, which was good. But the best part of it was that, three weeks later, she announced that she was pregnant and that Tom Buckingham was the father. I thought it was interesting that she’d gone out with me on Friday night, and Tom the following night. He did fuck her, apparently, so he could believe it was his kid. It was also interesting that she had that baby prematurely. Tom’s parents had been taking care of her medical bills and all that. When the baby was born almost two months early, but was a fully formed infant, things went to shit for Jolene.My point is that, even though I dodged that particular bullet, I also didn’t learn a whole lot about Ms. Clitoris.My mother was a great teacher. I mentioned the appearance of her sexual opening. It looked like something had broken open and was spilling out. I learned all about outer and inner labia. I thought it was fascinating that, before she had me, her outer. In the past, we—usually Jeff—could talk him out of them without too much trouble. If all else failed, Tami would smack him in the forehead. It was sort of like smacking a puppy on the nose if he were bad. The only problem was the puppy learned from the experience; Alan ... not so much.On the other hand, Alan was fiercely loyal. He really bought into the four-Musketeer thing when we were younger. It was Alan, Jeff, Tami, and me against the world. He was also incredibly smart and a little bulldog. Whenever we would get a new video game, he was the first one to figure it out. He taught himself how to code when he was ten, so it wasn’t uncommon for him to hack a game in his favor.The problem with Alan was he was a total spaz. He was one of those kids who were too smart for their own good. When he got bored, his mind drifted off towards mischief. Left unchecked, he did things like steal Lisa’s private blog or accidentally set our house on fire.My mom had been super-pissed at that one. I.
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