You May Be A Unitarian Universalist If... you think socks are too formal for a Summer serviceyou think the Holy Trinity is “reduce, reuse and recycle”when you watch Jaws you root for the shark (“Hey, sharks have to eat too!”)you think “Whatever” is a valid theological pointyou think a Holy day of Obligation is your turn to bring coffee hour treatsyou know at least two people who are upset that trees had to die for your church to be built.Q: What is a Unitarian Universalist?A: Someone who believes in life before death.A: An atheist with children.A: Just a Quaker with Attention Deficit Disorder.A: Someone who approaches every question with an open mouth.A: Unitarian means one, and Universalist means everything, so a UU is someone who believes in one of everything.Arguing with a Unitarian Universalist is like mud-wrestling a pig: Pretty soon you realize the pig likes it.A Unitarian Universalist died, and to his surprise discovered that there was indeed an afterlife. The angel in charge. She held out her hand and said, “Give me the cup. I need to pee like crazy anyways.” Joni looked around, “Do you have a bathroom in her that I can use?“Afraid not Joni. You’re going to have to do it in the open. Going to the bathroom in the house would be too risky. So drop those pants and pee away,” Susan told Joni.She looked at the cup and then at her sisters, “In that case, you may need to get me a bigger cup. I drank a lot of energy drinks.”“I don’t know why you’re so embarrassed, Joni. We’ve all seen you naked, and we’ve even had sex together. Seeing you pee isn’t a big deal,” Mary said.“It’s still embarrassing, so just drop it. Gaaaah,” Joni complained as Susan took her large cup of pee away.Moments later, Mary and Susan came back to Joni. They both looked as if they had seen a ghost or worse, found out Gil was gay or something.“We have found out why you’re not turning back into Johnny. It’s going to take a very long time to do that,” Susan sounded weird when she said those.
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