"In all this talk Gordy never said a word, and I knew what the problem was. Margie had died when he was three, and I don't think he ever got over it, no matter how much I tried to be there for him. Gordy simply didn't see Elena the way the two older boys saw her. To Gordy she was more a mommie. To the other two boys she was more an equal, ready for fucking.I explained the legal problem with grownups and kids, and pointed out that if the cops ever got wind of this, Elena could be put in jail for statutory rape, so this had to be kept in the family. None of us could ever talk about it to anyone outside the family. I made sure I drilled that into their heads, and then our powwow was over.And in subsequent weeks the kids acted the way I thought they would. When Joey wanted sex he asked for it out front, and he got it, and Elena liked it, because he learned fast what turned her on. Larry was a little slower, but he was a lot like Joe.Gordy was entirely different. He liked lying naked with. Too much to bear. I crumpled and my beautiful girlfriends knelt and wept beside me.If I was seventy or eighty, I’d lay a kindly hand on my shoulder in sympathy. Then I’d say something like, ‘Life’s unpredictable.’ I’d think for at least a second about the people I’ve lost and then I’d continue. ‘You need to not dwell on it. You have responsibilities. Your family needs you. You need to be strong for them. Stop your crying now and act like a man. You need to get hold of yourself and help the family.’Right. The seventeen-year-old in me told him to shut the fuck up! What did he ever know about love and family? What does he know about grief? He hardly knew his sisters. He didn’t even cry for Renie. Sanctimonious bastard! Get the fuck out of my head!Maybe we feel more when we are young. Is that the only answer? I thought it was just experience and the callousness of the world that made me feel emotions less strongly when I was an old man. But maybe it is something physical in our bodies.
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