She then told me to finish telling them what happened. I tried to make them understand that I wasn't a fag or nothing. But, I could see the look on my dads face. He had already decided that I was something less than he would pick up after the dog." near tears I concluded "I decided that I needed to die."Looking at her, I figured I had shot my wad; she was going to run out of the room freaked beyond belief. Much to my surprise, she asked "What happened then?" She seemed enthralled by the story.Feeling the pain and humiliation of the past, I continued."I finally got through the story with my parents. Then came the police, every man I looked at had pity or disgust in their eyes, and I didn't know how to deal with it. Once we got through with the police, it was damn near 10pm. I was so tired, all I wanted to do was put my plan into motion. 20 sleeping pills and I would never have to wake up again. Going to the bathroom, I started to open the bottle of medicine as the thoughts and. I.. I didn't even know that they were beating me with, hum, flagpoles and sticks and things because I couldn't even feel that because I think of the, of the sexual assault, that was all that I could feel was their hands raping me over and over and over again. I: Raping you with their hands? Laura: Yes. I: Non-stop? Laura: From the front. From the back. And, hum, I didn't know if I could hold onto Ray. (She starts to cry.) I'm holding onto him. I didn't want to let go of him. (She cries more, almost starts to blubber.) I thought I was gonna die if I lost hold of him. I: But in that moment, Ray, a special forces soldier was torn away. Laura: When I lost Ray, I thought that was the end. It was like all the adrenalin left my body because I knew in his face when he lost me he knew, he thought I was gonna die. They were tearing my body in every direction at this point, tearing my muscles and they were trying to tear off chunks of my scalp. They had.
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