Which meant I was neither horrified nor shocked.I really shouldn't have told them about Sarah and me.What they did tumble to was the fact that I was trying to put on the brakes. True, like most kids, they were overconfident and thought they could handle things that their parent thought they could not. But they did at least play the game for a while. In fact, they were very circumspect about things that day. As I drove, one of them sat as navigator, clothed, of course. And whenever it was Lynne and a brother in back, they made sure to come offer us snacks or ask questions or do something to show me they were just doing normal things, instead of sexing each other up all over the place.We stopped that night at a KOA campground, which had a pool. The kids were excited about that, and headed off to swim while I leveled and hooked up the bus. I hit the convenience store to restock on milk, eggs, hamburger and sausage.Meanwhile, the boys learned a valuable lesson about how women can look. “When you can go into Addison’s room, then you’ll be ready.”As much as it hurt to hear it, the truth hurt even more. Kimber was right. I’d avoided Addison’s bedroom, forever closed, my way of avoiding painful memories, shut away in a corner of my mind.I was happy, yet the ghost of her hovered. While Kimber slept, I wrestled with fear. Opening her bedroom would open memories I had pushed down. I’d never faced the loss, accepted, the prospect terrifying me. I could never forgive myself.Maybe Kimber was right. Maybe she was far, far more insightful than I gave her credit for.I slept restlessly, tossing and turning so much Kimber complained. She was bright and energetic in the morning, giving me smiles and a kiss before heading off to class.I moped. I wandered the house at loose ends, the closed door down the hall threatening me; something I feared. Twice I approached it and turned away.Mid afternoon, I sipped scotch - something I never did at that hour - and tried to steel myself.The.
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