“I just got back from Michigan State and I needed some time to myself, so I went for a drive.”“Do you want me to go get my brother?” she asked.“No, I came to see you.”Sometimes my bullshit works. From the embarrassed look I got, it seemed I had said the right thing. Maybe Pam was right, maybe Zoe liked me.“What were you doing?” I asked.“I was taking care of the horses. Want to help me?” she asked.“Sure, why not,” I said, as I followed her into the barn.The sounds and smells gave me a momentary flashback to my summer with my uncle. I felt at home, suddenly. I volunteered to muck out the twelve stalls. She showed me where to take the soiled straw. They had a couple of compost piles going and it was obvious which one was the newest. Over time it would break down and be used as a natural fertilizer.Mucking stalls wasn’t hard work. The good thing about it was it didn’t take any thought. I needed the mind-numbing repetitive time to get my head straight. This was almost as good as running.. I swam back, got out of the pool and said to her, "Judy, I'm sorry I grabbed you like that. I'm really worried about losing control. I'm going to end up hurting somebody." I don't see any other answer," I said. I plopped down on the towel, pulled up my knees and put my head in my hands. "I've got to go back!" My voice started to crack. "T-there's no other way!"Judy started getting panicky. She didn't want to lose her new boyfriend to his mother. "Jerry," she cried, "you can fight this! Drug addicts get cured all the time! You can be cured, too." I looked up. She was staring at me, her pupils like saucers, her tits quivering like-- well, like every other virgin bitch in heat.I made my eyes suddenly brighten. "Wait," I said. "You're right, it's like being a drug addict. They give heroin addicts a substitute drug until they're not hooked anymore. Judy, can it-- No," I interrupted myself, "I can't ask you that. It's too dangerous." What's too dangerous?" she asked. She looked at me..
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