He lamented the loss of two, and implored her not to worry about himself, that he would be fine once the ‘medicos’ and ‘sawbones’ had fixed him up and returned him to duty. He had jokingly expressed a wish that their new child be a girl, because the boy would undoubtedly look like him, and he would not wish that upon anyone. A girl, on the other hand, that looked like Caroline, would be a benefit to Dartmouth, to England, and to the entire world. He had signed the letter himself, three days before he finally succumbed. She was of two minds about this new envelope. The only other letter she had received from Geoffrey’s family had arrived shortly after she had returned from her shipboard visit. Impressed with the embossed stationary, with the Earl of Prescott’s crest used as a seal, and with the elegant ‘Caroline’ on the cover, she had opened it eagerly. Inside had been two pages of the most vitriolic invective she had ever read, from the opening salutation — ‘Cunt:’ — to the close —. "I know your secret," she had said. "I know what you do when I'm not here." We were in bed together just beginning the preliminaries of making love. I froze, uncertain what to do or say. I couldn't breathe. She put her hand behind my neck, pulled my face roughly up to hers. Slipping her body half over mine she looked down at me and whispered. "I found your magazines. I found your clothes, too. It took a little detective work, but I know everything now." I was so frightened. I was, for a brief instant, utterly certain that she would leave me. I tried to summon up the speech I had prepared months before for just such a moment of revelation. The words died in my throat. None of the explanations, none of the reassurances, seemed to matter now. "Is that what you really want?" she said, her eyes wide, "To be a woman's slave? To be humiliated, to be tortured?"I turned away from her and began to cry. There was no way to explain it to her. How can you explain wanting such a thing? I began.
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