She saw herself smoothing her skirt down in that fidgety manner she could not help assuming sometimes. Wow, he was gorgeous, she noted as she met his charismatic glance. His features were perhaps a little too quirky to make him look like a model or movie star, but they embodied a charm that set him apart from all the ordinary-looking guys. His thick, straight black hair curled seductively under each ear and his strong eyebrows were softened by laughing eyes and a sensitive mouth. Like Sneeta, he wore a name badge and I’ll be giving you your test today,’ he told her. There was something about the way his eyes lingered over her face and her body that sent a chill not unpleasant from her ankles up to her clinging panties whereas Sneeta had seemed to be sizing her up from a distance, Piyush’s assessment was done from less than a foot away, and felt almost tangible. Prachee’s balance of mind and matter was now veering away from its midpoint.The soft, wet matter between her legs was. Feel him in the night tending them. Believe that he’s there. Then there’s light and the shower is still running. I leave it on even though the water bill is too high to pay. I like the sound of the water rushing over me. Let the water pour. Clean and hot and desensitizing, destroying prints and calluses, burning away bacteria, boiling needles to the surface of my skin. Mindless, hopeless activity. I sit in the shower without forgiven and need and lust and longing. The scars will never vanish. Never fade completely. But remind me of the torture of trust, the fool who gives over. The emptiness that follows desire. All of it written in stitches across the scars and curves of fingerprints from homemade thread and sewn with the needles that were thrown at me. I say you must move on because the only way to live is for yourself. But the mirror doesn’t believe me. It remembers how he said he’d die for me and believes that there is another way. Still, it knows that he read my hands and prints.
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