It said “Love,” but why didn’t it say, “If you ever need someone to talk to, call me”? Because she didn’t want me to call her was always my conclusion. Hadn’t I caused her enough grief for one lifetime? But I wanted to call her. For the first six months after her death, I could visualize Rebecca. I could imagine her walking through the door with a bag of groceries in her arms, or see her sitting on the patio sipping coffee in her pajamas. And she was pain free, disease free – a miracle. But when I tried to hear her voice, I couldn’t. I don’t know why, but it was only the visuals, and they faded with time. Now, when I closed my eyes, it was Addie’s voice I was trying to hear. <,>,<,>,<,>,<,>, Rachel and Jeffrey, my eleven-year-old son, had spring break coming up, and they were bugging me to do something fun. We were sitting around the kitchen table and I was challenging them for ideas. Jeff was angling for Mexico, where we had once swam with dolphins. I wanted to take. Youlook more elegant than most girls I know." Thank you Michael, that's very reassuring. It is easy for me, because Iwant to be feminine, while I guess you are content being a man. I lovemy femininity. I rejoice in wearing pretty things, make-up, being clean,shopping. It just makes me smile when I look in the mirror and seemyself as I am now." Sam says, but then you know she worships you, that you put up with alot of nonsense from some of the girls and boys. Do you?"I told him about some of it, the skirt lifting for example. I also toldhim that I normally wore stockings, so it was doubly embarrassing. Ifilled him in on the Governor's meeting too."Bloody priests," was all he said."This afternoon I have tickets for the University versus Fiji. So that'swhere we are headed. I hope that is not too blokey for you." It's fine. I used to play hooker. Surprised eh! You just thought I wasa sissy who liked dressing up. Don't ever try to pigeon-hole me." I better not," he said with a laugh,.
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