She was not a woman to mess with. ‘Sometimes, Paul, you are the most stupid man on the planet.’ Just some of the time? I went to the bedroom to suggest to Orla that if it in any way worked for her, why didn’t she call Padraig and tell him to cash in her ticket for one for himself coming the other way. Jessica shot me a look that suggested that if only Lisa could be trusted not to reveal that it was her idea, I’d have scored big points. Me, I was still baffled. Why would Orla want to stay here instead of the British Virgin Islands? And why was it almost 8am until I could make a joke about Orla on any island with the word ‘virgin’ in the name without anyone blubbing? ***** Just before nine, Cat and Diane arrived, in identical maids’ outfits, picked out in a stylish charcoal grey. They had avoided following the cliché of the full French Maid thing, with little aprons and lacy caps, but the flouncy skirts were still ridiculously and deliciously short (and worn over white thigh highs),. “Auuuuuuuugh!” My psi-sword whirred and vrred as it cut through the air and I heard Blackheart staggering and stumbling around, squeaking inarticulately past the intestines strangling him.“Okay!” I shouted, my free hand gripping the stomach, which kept trying to wriggle further along my face like the worlds least sexy facehugger. Which was saying something, facehuggers were inherently unsexy. “Okay! I’m going to hold my sword out and you can just ... walk the intestines into it! Okay?”I paused.“I can’t see you nod, Blackheart, just ... hurrrryyy!” I squeaked as the stomach managed to slip past my fingers, meaning now my left palm was mashed up against my cheek and my arm was trapped in the stomach too. Acid sloughed along my back and it was going from being just gross to actually sting a little.There was a faint sizzle, then a gasping: “Gotcha! Brash, ya daft bugger, hold perfectly still!”“Okay!” I said. Well, I tried. The stomach was starting to slurp down my face and had covered my.
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