I knew he was trying to work out what to say, and I waited patiently.“Go. Go with Jason, darling. You’ll have a wonderful time. I’ll miss you like hell, but it’s only a week, and then I’ll have you back.”I didn’t reply, I just carried on looking into Neil’s face, thinking how wonderful and giving he was. Of course, I knew he’d get his own strange type of pleasure from me being with Jason in Jamaica. But I knew that wasn’t what drove his decision. He’d taken his decision on what he knew I’d enjoy most. And yet again I thought how lucky I was to have had the wonderful man in my life all these years.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~As I stepped out of the plane, the blue of the sky and the soothing warmth did wonders for my spirits. It had been cold and dark when Neil dropped me at JFK and I met up with Jason. And looking at that deep blue sky and it’s accompanying warmth, I thought how much better this was than the New York I’d left behind me.After we cleared. ..” I felt my mouth go dry. I couldn’t finish the sentence.“What?” Molly asked, more emphatically this time. She closed the distance between us and sat down beside me again. “Look at me please.”Reluctantly, I tore my gaze away from the wall to look into her painfully serious face. “Do you need to tell me something?” she asked.But I could never answer that. At least not with what I was clearly supposed to say. Guilt washed over me like the tide of an ocean. I couldn’t tell her what she needed to hear. Dark clouds hung in my mind as I felt more and more trapped.The trap suddenly released its grip on me. Maybe I couldn’t tell her what she needed to hear, but I could at least substitute it with something I was sure she wanted to hear.“I’m a bad person.” I said, uncharacteristically slowly, my mouth barely spitting out each word, feigning perfectly a state of vulnerability. “When you asked me to go clear the air with Daisy, I yelled at her.”Molly just stared at me, nothing impacting her.
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