She knew of course what she was doing, how could she not? I frowned when my eyes saw a rather large bruise on her shoulder. ‘Where did this come from?’ I asked when I pulled my head to the side breaking the kiss. She gave me a lifeless look and mumbled something I couldn’t comprehend. As her lips made their way to my neck, I lifted my head back in pleasure as she kissed down it, carefully applying the right amount of pressure as not to leave any traces of her actions. We had talked on and off. She had expressed her feelings for me, and I was scared shitless of that – of course. And so, I blocked her out of my life for almost a year. My love life had sort of taken a downward spiral after I made the mistake of avoiding her. Not that I considered Amy a real girlfriend, but after I broke things off with her I had trouble finding anyone else. She was always willing to go on cam and shed her clothes for me, and now I was on my own and it seemed such a difficult – no, impossible task to. Every minute, day, and occurrence, every happy moment, probably every bad moment, too, everything would get imprinted in my memory. Or so I thought. Years went by and I started thinking of my good old diary again. At first, I believed I had misplaced it in one of the moving boxes and since there were still a few that have not been emptied even after all this time, I believed it still might be there. Of course the old memories did not escape me, but I wanted to refresh them. I wanted to remember how my mind used to work and perceive life. I really yearned to see how much I have forgotten and how good my selective memory had become. Mike always claimed that I was an expert at remembering only what I wanted to. I have to admit that despite loving Mike more than I had ever loved anyone in my life, there are moments when I daydream back into the past and think of previous relationships. Later on I might dismiss those thoughts as ludicrous, but in times of dwelling, my mood is dangerously.
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