I lay my head on your shoulder and inhale your scent. Your hands release mine. Strong arms wrap around my waist and sweep me off the bed onto my feet. Embracing me, ‘Let’s dance, let me hold you,’ you say. My face nestles into your neck, your cheek rests on the top of my head. Vanilla, pear, and gardenia, my perfume is flirty and softly rises to reach your nose. I hear your breath in my ear. My hair is sleek and smooth, falling just past my shoulders. Remnants of summer sun linger there, on my shoulders and my back. Your closeness leaves goosebumps, every nerve ending is aware. ‘So breathe in so deepBreathe me in, I’m yours to keepAnd hold on to your words ’cause talk is cheapAnd remember me tonight when you’re asleep’ the lyrics continue surround us. Your arms hold me tighter, swaying slowly to the music. I run my hands up your back, the back of your neck, in your hair, back down. I feel your shoulder blades, your spine. In my mind, I burn a permanent memory of this moment. Your. I’m trying to be someone I can’t be. I can’t concentrate, and I’ve been sleeping so much.”“Why not start by taking a shower?”“And then?”“We’ll talk about it. What else can I say? You’ve got to take a shower sometime. You haven’t said prayers for a while. So start with a shower, and then we will overcome the next obstacle, okay?”“I don’t want to move unless it’s all laid out plain, and until that time comes, I’ll just lie here and daydream about it.”“You won’t get very far. By the time you think it out, you’ll be dead.”“One starts with his dreams. When you lose that, then your faith will be next. After that, you lie in bed and ponder how to get out of bed. What am I going to do? I don’t feel like getting up. I don’t feel like talking. It’s impossible to be anything in this place, to get married, to be a holy man. What’s so glorious about becoming a wise man of Islam? Is it nobility in being totally anonymous? It’s a prison. I’ve tried. I’ve done my best. I contemplate Allah all day. I.
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