The New Year's Eve party was quite an affair. It was sponsored by the Chamber of Commerce and there must have been at least two hundred people in attendance. The Chamber arranged for minibus service for anyone who was concerned about drinking and driving. I know a number of people had booked rooms in a couple of the local hotels to avoid having to drive. It was an occasion where I would wear my little used suit, dress shirt, and tie. The last time I'd had it out of the garment bag was for my court appearance in September.I arrived just before eight o'clock, wondering if I might be too early. The party seemed to be going full blast already. My ticket had a table number on it and I looked around for its location. I finally found it on the far side, near the dance floor and away from the stage. The gentleman who took my ticket mentioned something about a lucky drawing."Ten dollars for the lucky New Year's drawing. You keep half your ticket and the other half goes in this ballot box.. In fact, they gave me a great deal of pleasure. When they were killed, I started to hate them. They'd given me so much pleasure, so much love, and suddenly they had abandoned me. I hated them for that, but deep down, I knew their death wasn't their doing, and by then, I also knew what they'd done to me was very wrong, and I hated them for that, too. Still, I didn't want to hate them, so I suppressed what they did to me and made them into normal, caring parents so I could love them.Gloria says if I'd been given to normal, loving parent substitutes after my parents' death, I might have learned to cope with what my real parents did to me and get on with my life without burying how they'd used me for their own sick desires. Instead, my aunt and uncle became my parent substitutes, and they continued the abuse but in a different way. They belittled me, called me names, beat me. I couldn't love them, so I suppressed my parents' sick behavior so I could have someone to love. She shuddered..
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