I see his desire for her - that he didn't have for me. These are the thoughts that haunt someone who had a loved one cheat. You believe you are less than.Snap out of it, Kimmi. You will show him!And so I venture out again to prove to myself I am beautiful and desirable. I desperately crave to be told I am beautiful now. I need that as much as I need the air I am breathing. I have a hole that must be filled. Only a hard fuck will fill it. I need a man to tell me I am attractive to feel attractive. I need a man to tell me I am desirable to feel desirable. I can't get over this pain any other way. A good fuck will heal everything fucked up inside me. I find Mr. Fix-It at the bar. Let's see. First, is he more attractive than Mr. Brown Eyes? Yes, he is. Ha! Take that, cheater! Look what I snagged! Here is the test - what color eyes does he have? Green. Yes! His fucking eyes are green. He leads me to the dance floor and I can do this. I took some belly dancing classes and learned how to. This one was in colour. I couldn't tell if it was Mrs Maddison, but she was tall and blonde and walking away from the camera in a flower filled garden."That's not mum," said Andy following my gaze. "That's Alison, our sister."I'd never met Alison, although I'd seen her once at a football match with Mrs Maddison. She was a couple of years older than the twins, but she looked like a svelte mini version of her mother."She's away at uni. She's the brains of the family doing medicine," said Andy. "I hope you meet her one day. She's cool."Dinner went on without a hitch as I tried to keep my eyes off the photographs and the yawning cleavage being displayed by Mrs Maddison sitting two down from me so that I could see the profile of her right breast through the wide deep cut dress. Mum was showing quite a bit of cleavage as well just a few seats further down, and I noticed Mark and Andy giving approving glances in her direction. The coffee coloured lady was sitting opposite me, and even.
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