I spoke to a few guys and got sent some great dick pics but when I pushed to meet they couldn't or were too far away, then one Friday night I got a message and the guy was in my hometown a little older than me and horny. I gave him my address and waited for the door bell to ring after what felt like hours I heard a knocking at my door and my heart was beating a thousand beats a minute and I had butterflies in my stomach. I ran downstairs and opened my front door and said something like come upstairs as I looked at the guy who introduced himself as Eduardo and saw he was probably about 50 skinny and about 5'8 tall, I locked my front door and showed Ed around my flat when we got to my living room I was almost shaking so I asked Ed if he'd like a beer I knew I needed one to calm my nerves, I got us a beer each and we stood in front of each other popped the beers and sort of looked at each other with a weird feeling like we knew what each other was there for and to just get it started.. To accomplish what was necessary took skill sets from both. Perhaps it was the one cooperative venue that didn't cause conflict between the two identity states. I thought of it as thinking, but it was, at least possible, that what I was doing was communicating with myself. I told myself what I'd been thinking needed to happen with Joyce. She was the key to everything for me. I needed to find some way to rebuild her confidence to the point where she could feel comfortable being with me and being her old self at the same time. I had a strong feeling that, at least in the beginning, I'd need to really be the old Kenny with her. Once she got comfortable and more confident again, I could begin to start being like I really was.The key to my being the old Kenny was finding some way to convince myself that I needed to switch back to my Good Kenny identity state while I was with her. I'd be asking my integrated self to willingly take a step backwards, to allow that to take place. It was going.
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