Coffee was ready, and she presented me the steaming mug with her contagious smile. I thanked her and sipped the coffee. It was delicious. I still couldn’t get over the awe-inspiring beauty of my mother, and I had to force myself not to stare at her constantly. On occasions I felt as if she became aware of my excessive interest in her, as sometimes she appeared a to blush a little and embarrassed.“You look handsome.” She finally broke the ice. “I hope you are still attending a gym regularly.”“Thanks mom, yes, but I think the workouts are showing more effect on you. You really have changed a lot. You look much prettier.” I blurted out my emotions.“Thanks.” She was embarrassed as if she had read my thoughts. But, then she changed the topic and we started talking about my childhood, about the things we had shared together, the time we had spent together, about Carol, about dad. Whenever I mentioned dad, I could feel a sense of uneasiness descending upon her as if she were not willing to. He wondered what he was going to do with himself. He knew no one; had nowhere to go. Descartes could only keep one company for a limited time. Even the library would be closed. He thought about the difference between loneliness and solitude.He had thought that he craved solitude. He found all of it that he wanted. He thought that the difference was in the desire, or lack of it, to be alone. It was simple enough. He was finding that that there were deeper truths to be understood. There was a spectrum of the state of aloneness, wherein a person could find oneself drifting from red to violet without full awareness of the shift until it was too late.Solitude caused a person to think, learn, meditate and achieve understanding. A person could exercise a mind and a body. Improvements of all sorts were possible that could not be achieved in the company of others. Outside influences were a distraction. As one would approach understanding, the intrusion of exterior influences would invariably.
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