But Ann says she knows of real good places and is going to tell me where,so maybe we just haven't found them yet. But Kaezee has never even hadsushi and won't try it! She just eats tempura and stuff there.And we went and saw "Maid of Honor," and it was OK, I think, there werereal funny parts, but Kaezee and I kept talking so much the olds aroundus kept shuss-ing, and we finally moved to a part without people around,and even Ann and Becky wouldn't come with us. We were just making fun ofthe movie and talking about the actors and other actors and stuff, youknow, but we held hands and leaned on each other the whole, whole time,and had even when shopping too. But it wasn't like holding a boy's hand -- I mean like dating holding hands; just we wanted to do that. And when we went to the bathroom I told her about what Daddy said aboutit being best and OK where you were most comfortable, and she liked thata lot, but said it could make other people uncomfortable, but they didn'thave a reason. ..different. I was wired to enjoy it, or something.Interviewer: That can't be right. Humans avoid pain, it is part of who we are.Me: I don't. Oh, I avoid things that would actually cause damage, or scar, or things like that. I don't disfigure myself, or self harm or anything. I just...enjoy pain and humiliation.Me: Anyways, we should get back to what we were discussing. What made me the person sitting before you.Interviewer: Yes, please.Me: Anyways, so, I found myself sort of enjoying the pain. I guess I was a bit of a wild child. Oh, I loved my parents. But, they didn't seem to understand. They kept giving me what I wanted when I didn't do what they wanted me to. You know, same thoughts as most people have.Interviewer: So, to you, they rewarded you, with a spanking, a smack, something like that, for the wrong behavior.I nodded.Me: Exactly. It was like you getting a candy. My parents were at their wits end. Eventually, as I got older, I started understanding how much I was hurting.
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