This time my conscious mind was ready for whatever the rest of my mind was leading me towards. I shifted my awareness towards the source of that pull, and stepped, without moving away from my existence.How do I describe what just happened? As a boy, just becoming a young man, its perhaps understandable that my mind can only think of something from my boyish past to use in making an analogy. In the movie Willie Wonka, one scene involves a ride in the Wonkamobile, at the end of which they get clean in the "hsawaknow", which as Willy Wonka explains, is Wonkawash spelled backwards. Only I went through something forwards, backwards, sideways and inside out all at the same time. There was a single moment in time when I felt, flat as a shadow, or smaller than an atom, or ... something. Even today I cannot find words to describe it. The apprehension I felt inside my bubble of calm reminds me of something I read by D.H. Lawrence."Are you willing to be sponged out, erased, canceled, made. From the moment we set foot in the house the phone didn’t stop ringing with friends and relatives saying hello. About two days after we settled into her mom’s house, we started to receive phone calls where there was no one on the other end. Her mom said it wasn’t unusual so we ignored it.Early one morning (it was about six thirty and the kids were not up yet) we were sitting in our bathrobes at the kitchen table having coffee. No relatives around yet – they wouldn’t start showing up until nine or so. It was pleasantly quiet. The phone rang and Gina answered it. I immediately noticed that something was not normal in the way she acted. I watched her from the kitchen table as she talked. She seemed nervous and acted a little strangely. She drew her bathrobe around her protectively and started to talk low and haltingly. I noticed she was blushing. She took the phone’s hand-piece around the corner into the hallway, obviously wanting to hide what she was saying from me and mom. A few.
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