I would care less about school if I just knew he loved me and I got to see him every day after school. Trust me though, I didn’t forget about what happened either. But I tried my hardest to block out reality. I tried so hard not to remember my brothers face as he told me he wouldn’t forgive me again if I tried something like that another time. How he forgave me. I was his little sister. A confused little girl. He forgave me. He would never look at me as an equal to him. Lost in thought, my subconscious guided me out of the shower, into my clothes and to the kitchen. I was before my bowl of cereal staring down at it. I had eaten two spoonfuls. I was completely full. My stomach was tense in anxiety. “Time to go.” I turned and looked at my brother confused. “Mom said to take you. I’m driving dad’s car.” I’ll fast-forward from there. The slow-motion of movement from the table to my bedroom for my book bag, to the car, and to school, was a screw slowly driving its way into my gut.. “But time can’t be divided in the same way,” I warned. “I won’t always be able to be with you when you might want. That has nothing to do with how much I love you. I still love your grandmother completely, and we haven’t seen her in years.”Returning her gaze to the warmth of our nuclear hearth, Ananya nodded thoughtfully.“We live long, long lives,” I continued, stroking my palm slowly up and down her slim back, the line of her spine under my hand like a curved reed. “If you’re patient – and if you want it – I can love you in all the ways I do your mother.”“Yeah.” She smiled. “I think I’d like that.” Another long moment passed before she spoke again. “I’ve always loved Mom’s skin. I always felt that I was ... plain, compared to her.”“Plain?” I frowned. “You’re beautiful. Like the canyonlands at dusk.”She smiled hugely. “Really?” My daughters had heard countless times that they were beautiful, smart and talented. I’d always said the words sincerely. But this time, they came freighted.
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