Now this. I was numb inside. I put on the brave front, and watched my wife slowly, oh so slowly, die. It was killing her, and it was killing me. At some point I realized I couldn't live without her. I was asleep when it hit me. I woke up in a cold sweat, and couldn't shake it either. I knew... I wouldn't make it without Becky.That's when I began to plan my demise. I would die about six months after Becky did. It wouldn't be a suicide, well, so much that anyone could tell for certain anyway. I would go out in a blaze of glory... of sorts. Fire tends to blaze doesn't it? Nobody would be able to tell it was a suicide and the resulting findings would leave my insurance policy in effect. The kids would be taken care of for the rest of their lives, and I'd have my peace.I didn't count on Becky seeing right through me. She did. Almost at the very moment I thought it all up too. Her insight into me was always right on the money. She had been that way for years. She could read me a mile away,. She rarely wore makeup; she didn't need it, for it was her natural beauty she quite clearly cherished above all else.The morning, after we arrived at the hotel, I found my desire for the pleasures of sexual intercourse had run rampant as I soon swam in the testosterone that fuels every young man. While I could have relieved myself of these carnal emotions in the shower, I held back. I didn't want to simply imagine the beautiful curves of a young woman's body, or think of all the ways that faceless young woman could pleasure me. No, I wanted something visual. Something I could watch to experience a far more intense climax.After the shower, I waited until Aunty Amy entered the bathroom and turned on the water to make sure she wouldn't come out for at least fifteen or twenty minutes. Once I heard the distinct patter of hot water upon the tiled shower floor, I sat down in a chair within the corner of the room and began to search for pornography on my iPhone.Time soon escaped me. I went.
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