That said, I was not mad at either of you. I too loved you way too much to be mad at you forever. I am a proud man and have never begged for anything from anyone but god. I guess I was too proud to seek another chance to connect with my family. My weakness came down on you dearly and for that I am sorry. I was older and wiser, I should have done something to bring us together, even if as ex-family. I cried that Saturday after all of you left. I cried because I was still too proud to let you guys know how much pain I was in. I cried because I was helpless in front of this tumor. I cried because when my children gave me a chance, god took away any chance of a life from me. I cried most of all because I knew it would be the last time I would ever see your sweet faces. How I longed to hold my children and my grandchild in my arms and feel complete again but I knew once the dam broke, there was nothing to stop me. I have left some money for the four of you, for Roger, for Sue, for Roger’s. We know you’re a sensible boy but we don’t want you to take any risks with HIV or AIDS.”Dad handed me a plain brown paper bag. Inside were a couple of packs of condoms.“What are you talking about? What circumstances?”“It’s okay, son, your mother and I both know,” said Dad, tapping the side of his nose. “We just want you to know we still love you whatever your sexuality.”“I’m straight, Dad. Why is that an issue?”“It’s okay, son. We can understand you not wanting to come out while you’re still at school. We’ll keep your secret until you’re ready.”“What, you think I’m gay?”“Your mother and I have known for a long time.”“But what about those girlie magazines in the bottom of my wardrobe?”“We realised they were just for show. We haven’t found where you hide your gay magazines, so we’re thankful for your discretion. We wouldn’t want your sister to see them for a few years yet.”“Dad, I’m not gay!”Again Dad tapped his nose knowingly, then he went indoors.I put all the tools away then went.
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