“You’ve NEVER had sex?”“No. Uh-uh. Never.” He said with an exaggerated sigh.“You mean…” I paused, unsure how to ask how far he’d actually gone.“I mean, nothing.” He said, still smiling. He obviously didn’t understand that this was strange to me. “I’ve kissed a girl and that is as far as I’ve gone.” He continued talking and I pretended to listen. He didn’t seem distraught about it and it didn’t feel like he was fishing for anything from me. He was just pouring his heart out and trying hard to laugh it off. He was proud of the fact that he ‘almost’ touched her tit, but she pulled away and that was the end of the kiss – and soon after the relationship. “I shouldn’t have pushed it.” He insisted. “What do you think?”I had never really told a man “no” – not that I had ever been in a position where one would listen if I did. I had no idea what to say to him. I thought of the times where I tried to push hands away and was rewarded with a tighter grip and a brutal mauling on my b-cups. Had he. She was ready to leave."Don't you know I love you, Vivian?"Maybe she blushed; I think I saw her chin shake feebly, but her eyes never left the sky."You don't." Yes, I do. More than anything else. I love you with all my will." I extended my hand, touching her peachy skin as lightly as I could, feeling the warmth and electric charge that nothing else in the world possessed. "Why won't you believe me?" You are fooling yourself." I was shaking now, my legs refusing to be still; I forced them to, as much as I could, hoping that Vivian would not notice my nervousness. I almost backed up then; but something in me—either the desire, or the fear of losing her, or maybe just a senseless attempt to extend my fall for a little, before crashing into the ground, before losing her for good—made me try harder."No, you are," I said, somewhat harshly. "You are afraid of love. You are afraid of having someone who adores you, whose life depends on your breathing, whose love is unfathomable. You are.
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