His hesitation was momentary, the words drawing him back. They galvanized within him, pushing out all the doubts and renewing his rage.The anger he felt now was a pale imitation of what had gone before but he recognized the boundaries of the anger were artificial and self-imposed. He was limiting his rage because it terrified him. What he had become before terrified him.In the midst of the anger, confusion tore at him. He could not trust what he was feeling. He could not trust what he remembered. There were – gaps. Pieces missing. Time hopping and skipping, like what he’d just experienced during the ‘Time of Remembrance’. He felt ... fractured.But had it been a dream? If it was, was this part of it? He felt – confused. He felt frustrated that he could make no sense of things. He felt like he was quickly getting out of control.His memories weren’t complete. He remembered seeing Ardt’s deadening eyes, the surprise etched upon his father’s face. He remembered feeling the metal as it was. I felt his body shake suddenly, then a spurt of his liquid came in my mouth! I got off his cock just like that, startled, thought he was peeing in my mouth, but as it shot out, I was just thrilled and put my mouth around it again to see what this felt like, this must be what sex ed class talked about. A penis ejaculating, right in my mouth like the girls talked about! Sucking a penis for the first time and making it come in my mouth, too! I knew this was too dirty and I could never tell anybody about this, I’d probably go to jail or something, get grounded for life, they’d probably send Bosco to the dog pound, or maybe I’d get sent away for being so dirty. He was jerking and coming in my mouth, and I made him do this! I was like Kelly – now I knew what sex was all about. Naked on the living room floor, sucking Bosco’s penis and making it ejaculate right in my mouth!Well, he stopped coming, and yeah, I did swallow everything when I had him in my mouth. I thought I was supposed.
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