She puts everything back in its place and never once have I known her to forget to take out the trash. She is stronger than I am. I am insecure, which is what my brother and my entire family seem to forget. I appear deft and funny. I am a perfect specimen of a freak, complete with the deep, dark self-loathing that goes along with being a social outcast. They do not see me late at night, as my husband does, alone sucking my thumb watching television, twirling shreds of satin in between my fingers. They cannot know the horrible truth about me, that I am wounded from years of taking care of my chronically ill mother while they were away at college or living with older men. They will never see me with my rag [the 6th or 7th one by now, I always forget] twisted up into a point or into the corners of my eyes while I disappear from the world. They couldn’t ever understand why when I think about something, my need to hold my pieces of gnarled satin matches that of a crack addict. They don’t. “Can I help you sir?” Charles looks up to see a nurse sitting on the other side of the counter.“I’m looking for my Mum Sue Wesner.” He said his breath still straining against his words, the nurse began to type away at the the keys of her computer searching for her, she stops to read the screen and looks up at him, she gives him the direction to her room.“Thank you.” He says as he heads to the room where he would find his Mother.His feelings once again attack him from all angles, he makes his way to the door leading into her room, from the door way he can see a figure huddled in a ball, the room is dark almost lightless except for a small lamp on a nearby wall, he can feel an unseen force stopping him from getting any closer, but with will he pushes past the field and slowly makes his way to his Mother’s side.“Mum?” He says his voice shaky.“Is that you Charles?” Her voice is almost silent.“Yes Mum it’s me.” He sees her move slightly looking up at him, her eyes pierce his soul as he.
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