I know that if I could see my face I would be horrified at the sunken depth of my eye sockets, at the thinness of my hair and the skeleton-like qualities I have taken on so greedily to end the pain within my soul. I know I must choose. Power or continued pain. The feeling of the universal creation flowing through my body would be as sweet as any kiss, as intoxicating as any liquor, yet I fear it. I fear what temptations I would have, I could undo the separation. I could heal myself. Become whole. Yet, within my soul, I know that that option is not. The flow of self-depreciating sadness moving across each numb nerve with the quiet coldness of ice, numbing my heart to what I have been part of, have seen. As tempting, in its own way, as the power I could open myself to. I choose. There really was not much of a choice, the decision made in an instant. I rein in my mind and flow, not outward as a waterfall, but inward, sinking into the black hole that is the remnant of my heart. . I was surprised to feel that it was totally wet. I was aroused. I just took off my panty and wore the one on which he had deposited his cream. When the crotch touched my organ, I felt very nice and started rubbing my organ over the panty and my pelvis without my knowledge started thrusting like a mad. Within minutes I had an orgasm. This was the first orgasm of my life. I had herd about it before, but experienced it for the first time.Again the next day, he came, took them and I followed him. He was again lying on the bed and sniffing my panty with one hand and masturbating with the other. I was totally carried away; my hand without my knowledge slipped in and started rubbing my clit. He came very soon and I had to stop and ran down and locked the door. Within minutes he came down and placed them inside the bucket. After he left, I just took my pant and there was his cream stuck. I couldn’t control myself, I sat on the sofa, separated the thigh and started to lick his cream and.
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