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I’ve just finished the whole house before realizing the vacuum wasn’t plugged in.It’s okay if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.How’s your day if it’s good you’ll need wine to celebrate! If it’s bad you’ll need wine to feel better!Never walk a mile in my shoes. You will just end up drunk, lost and looking for your shoes.If a woman says do what you want. Do not do what want, standstill. Do not blink. Don’t even agree. Just play dead.Yes officer, I didn’t see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you!This group is compliments of Alan B.Still more hand-picked lousy humor...Why is a woman like a condom? Because both spend more time in your wallet than on your penis.My girlfriend’s dad asked me what I do. Apparently “Your daughter” wasn’t the right answer.What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.The teacher asked Jimmy, “Why is your cat at school today, Jimmy” Jimmy replied, crying, “Because I heard my dad. ’ ‘She was carrying a bottle of Cava and two glasses. ‘I’ll get another glass, if you’d like some, Eva?’ ‘No, no thanks,’ said Eva. ‘I need to stand under a shower for perhaps a year and recover. You two carry on.’ She patted my arm. ‘Enjoy yourselves, girls.’ I’d expected a leer or an aside but all I got was the briefest of kisses and I was alone with Helen who sat in her athletic way in the seat vacated by Eva, poured the wine and handed me a glass. ‘You look good.’ ‘So do you. I’ve never seen you in a dress before.’ She grinned. ‘PE teacher drab is my default setting. But occasionally, I like to remind myself I am a woman.’ I didn’t need reminding! ‘And wine, too?’ ‘I’m an athlete, not a nun, Charlie. I follow a pretty strict regime but now and then it’s time to let my hair down.’ ‘I’d noticed that too.’ She smiled. The wine frothed in the glasses, condensation running cold down the glasses. I lifted one to her and said cheers and thank you. ‘Have you played today?’ Helen lifted an.
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