Today I wore a thin cotton dress and underwear, nothing else. I was out and about earlier in the day, but always moving slowly to avoid getting sticky in the heat. I feel so aware of my body in this weather. With every movement, I'm aware of the sensations I feel on my skin. And having started the day having sex in your room only made me more so. Senses heightened. Returning home sweaty from doing some errands in the neighborhood, I remove my dress. I lie down in front of the fan with a glass of ice water. Air blowing at my body feels so good. I move so that the fan is blowing straight up my body from between my legs. I close my eyes and lie this way for a few minutes, letting the fan cool my body and dry the sweat from my skin. After a little while, I take an ice cube from my drink and rub it over each of my nipples. My nipples burn and harden and the ice starts melting immediately, sending cold streams down my hot abdomen. It's only a matter of seconds before I'm thinking about the. "I thought it was pornographic," my mom said and I knew she'd never been one to mince words on a subject like that, but it still hurt a little."There's no sex in it," I tried to explain. "Just ... the reasons for it. I tried to describe why this girl was having sex when she was really looking for love, and..." She was playing with herself." Mom frowned and I seriously doubted the woman had ever masturbated in her life, which wasn't a thought I wanted very much.I wasn't getting through to her at all. Any book which had a whole chapter devoted to a nineteen-year-old masturbating in a bathtub while remembering her very first kiss had to be pornographic, no matter how beautifully written it might be."Girls do that, Mom," I sighed. "Oprah liked it. Did you see me on her show?" But my mom wasn't much of an Oprah Winfrey fan either."You looked thin," she said and I rolled my eyes."Everyone looks thin next to Oprah, Mom." What's your next book going to be about?" Dad asked, trying to change.
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