Not that they doubted each other's love, but both were afraid to express their commitment fully. Now, there were no doubts. The two were one.Joe was bowled over by the maturity of Selena on the issues of couplehood. Where he feared facing issues and tended to color everything as gray, she wanted answers now that would tip dominoes immediately and saw only black, or white.As they sat and sipped coffee watching the ocean break on the silver sand they spoke of business, marriage, retirement and children. The open talk seemed to draw them both even closer. Joe spoke openly about his fear that his vasectomy could not be reversed for the first time with her. He thought this might shoo her away in the past. She simply said that they had to think positively and she was sure something could be done to cultivate sperm from his body. She clearly had thought about it in the past and had read on the subject. It was a non-issue until they knew one way or the other, black or white.They both grew. I rubbed him slowly, wanting to return the favor he had granted me. I suddenly got scared. What if this led to sex? I wasn’t ready for it. I was still a virgin. I didn’t want to lose my virginity to this stranger. I let go and sat up sharply. He exhaled heavily. “Alex,” I said, tears welling almost immediately. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I hardly know you. You’re a great guy and you’re really attractive and everything, but this just doesn’t feel right. I feel so ashamed now. I’m sorry. I really am. I’m so sorry.” I think it mustered all of his strength to sit up straight. My friends in my old school used to tell me about guys getting blue balls when they were really aroused and didn’t get any release. They told me how much it hurt them. I started to feel guilty for hurting Alex. That was never my intention. I turned to him and he cupped my face in his hands. “I’m okay,” he said softly, giving me a tiny kiss. It was as if he read my mind. I looked down and bit my lip..
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