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I had been fantasizing about having sex with a guy for months but wasn't really attracted to anyone I knew. I was very flexible then and routinely sucked my own cock and learned I loved the taste of cum. I even banged myself with a cucumber to feel what it was like to have a cock in my ass. I asked him to be truthful and asked him if he was gay. He seemed to relax and said, "I understand if you don't want to hang out with me now, but please, if anyone knew, you know what would happen. I'll be a target." In our circle of friends, he was right. He would be ostracized and probably a target for violence. I faced the same danger, but I didn't tell him that. I let the issue drop and we went about our day. That night, I couldn't stop thinking about my friend as a possible playmate to act out some of my fantasies. I devised a plan to take things to a new level. Since we lived on opposite sides of town, we often met up somewhere before pillaging the town in whatever manner we. The voice was growing louder; I could hear the anger, my anger, growingin the tone. #You are! You're a selfish little man who doesn't care awhit for the rest of the world.#I knew this argument all too well. Too long thinking alone always camearound to this sooner or later.~Don't listen to him. Remember!~I tried to, flickering images of my friends and myself. In each of thememories, a ghostly-pale Goth girl with shining scarlet eyes pointed to something kind I had all-but forgotten.#But why do you do these things? For yourself. You listen to their woesand say all the right things to make them go away. You're nice becauseit's expected of you, because you feel good for doing it. You're aselfish little man and nothing will ever change that.# The voicesounded triumphant. Here was where it always won.The ghost-girl spoke to me as he watched, gloating at my impendingdefeat. She gently chided me for thinking that, as if I was a child andthe void itself seemed to smile reassuringly down on us.
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