And we can hear her moaning in there.’ ‘Sorry, ‘fraid I can’t help.’ I lied. The flight attendant asked the same questions of the aerobic animal and the other folks seated around us, to no avail. I still feel bad about the fact that we needed to circle LAX for an additional 45 minutes while they coaxed Ms. Obesity out of the lavatory. The captain even came back but could not get her out. She came out with a sort of dazed expression and had to be forced into a flight attendant’s jump seat. She kept insisting that she needed to return to the seat next to me. I guess flight attendants keep those plastic zip handcuffs around for unruly passengers. They needed several sets to get around her wrists and she was so fat that she could not reach her arms behind her. ‘But I came 30 times and … and…’ I heard at one point. Christ on a pony! She took me literally! I filed this in the back of my head. I had to discuss this with Jose. I also feel bad that they arrested her and charged her with. She stretched out and the skirt rode up to show Orla was wearing tiny black panties. She met my frank glance with a look of pure wickedness, and ran her hands up her body to cup her breasts. ‘Sex and shopping,’ she murmured.’My kind of holiday.’ There was a blast of a car horn from beside us, where a young guy in bright red overalls was pretty much keeping pace with us in a van. His eyes were not on the road. From his elevated position, he must have been able to see almost as far up Orla’s skirt as I could. Orla had spent too long cooped in an aircraft to be distracted by the proximity of the van, or to be too distracted by the loud hooting – not all of it from the van’s equipment. Wrinkling her nose slightly at the crude chorus of the van driver’s opinions and encouragement, she pushed up her sweater with one hand, revealing that she wore just a thin, black, singlet vest underneath. Her nipples were standing out through the vest, Orla cupped her breasts in one hand, while the other.
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