I found out later that during those first awkward years Martin had been tomany Parent Teacher Conferences about my behavior and my looks. It wasduring those meetings that the school psychologist first suggested toMartin I go to a shrink full time to see about my sexuality and my genderIdentification. But where to go.Martin did a great deal of research, in the meantime I was continuing tobegin puberty. I was slowly becoming comfortable with my small boyishpenis and my small balls, but I had fallen into the habit of peeing sittingdown anyway. After 2 or three months of study, consulting many books andvisiting shrinks, Martin decided for both of us that I was going to starttaking female hormones immediately.He sat me down that night of my 12th birthday and after asking me aboutschool and after I explained to him how unhappy I was, he asked me if Iwanted to live my life as a girl full-time from that moment on. I couldn'tbelieve it, I was beyond ecstatic, and I remember I just kept. He nodded only once. "That's right. You. So, if you don't mind. I hate to be rude, but I've got a paper due in less than a week and I need to get working." He stood and gestured for the door with one hand and guided me to it with the other. "Wait. What am I going to do? Where am I going to go? You can't just. . . " "Yes. I can. Besides, you've got your own place. Remember?" He asked with a final push out the door before shutting it. I heard the lock click, sealing me outside. Other place? My own place? Suddenly my mind filled with the image of a small apartment not far from here. And I knew I hadn't cleaned it for a few days! I started walking promptly towards my home while mentally clicking things on my fingers that I knew I needed to pick up. Detergent, soap, bread, milk and a few other things. Was it my home? New home? Something still nagged at the back of my head, like a constant ache. I slowed my clicking of my heels, they were my favorite, and gazed at myself as I stood.
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