She must have felt that as she suddenly pressed close into me and then left me in an instant and fell on the bed face down and was still crying. I was torn into pieces between lust and pity and finally my love and pity won and I went to her and consoled her. She stopped for sometime and said that whenever she met any guy in her life, in France, or in Chennai. They would just want her for sex. But nobody would even care to look at her that she was an human being but not a sex toy and would never care for her feelings. And here I was, even if I had a chance I was prepared to leave even after coming into her bedroom. I then said to her, “You treated me as your friend and I must keep that it mind even before thinking of you in that kind of manner. I admit that even I was not spared my natural human or male tendencies to look at your beautiful body but I did not want to miss you as a friend.” Immediately after saying this she hugged me and I was happy again that this time she embraced me. There was probably more likelihood of a magazine being brought into the country and Lakita’s boyfriend was also from overseas. I’m sure she lied about where it was from. As soon as I saw her reading something I knew what it was. Lakita would never look at a magazine otherwise. She loved the tv. And sleeping. And aerobics. Now she was so happy it was as if she was in love with something else. And so she threw the magazine to me, pretending like it was nothing. I guess I tried to do the same. But my hands were shaking. I knew it was naughty. I knew it would be something I had never seen before but had been wondering about. It was a thick, glossy magazine. Obviously high quality. I was surprised by how heavy it was. “What’s this?”, I asked, feigning ignorance. “Majalah porno aja” [“Just a porn mag”], Lakita replied using colloquial and local idiom just to prove that it was all fairly mundane for one such as her. When she claimed to have found it under our parents’ bed, I was.
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