" I went on to explain to her that I had no illusions about my appearance. "I've always been a big girl, I love being a big girl, and that's what I'll always be."In short I embrace that part of me that states unequivocally, 'I'm a woman who loves each and every part of my life.' I don't want to be on the cover of Vogue or Cosmopolitan, I don't expect to be swooped off my feet by some virile, healthy specimen of male, not that I'd complain if it happened, but I'm not going to lose sleep over it if it does not happen. After a few moments of silence Ms. Bloom asked about my initial response to beginning hormone treatment. I told her that it was still too soon to tell since I'd only started a week earlier but I was optimistic about future changes. I was feeling a bit short changed about this session because she seemed to be spending more time writing things down then asking questions. That bothered me.We ended our session with a customary hug and scheduling of the next appointment but she. Elizabeth was a mature professional woman with five grown children, the wealthy widow of an academic. Robert was a drifting under-educated manual labourer - a bricklayer was his highest claim to qualifications. However, she had a curious vision that he was meant for greater things. He was intelligent, capable and physically very attractive. His was just the sort of body that excited her.I was lying propped up trying to read. The nurse had pulled the screen round half my bed so the light didn't keep the rest of the ward awake. Not that there was much risk of that - the other two occupants were recent admissions and both were far too ill to be kept awake by a little light. My arm was numb from holding the heavy book, my pencil had fallen on the floor out of reach and I couldn't concentrate. Elizabeth had promised to visit but she had never appeared. I was becoming dependent on her and lay back trying to sort out my feelings. I'd been in hospital for over a month now - six weeks next.
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