She’s prettier than my mom, but I heard my mom also say that she was ‘promiscuous.’ Since I now understand what a lot more words mean with my lightning induced brain, I realized Grace was being called a slut.The next book I read should be a dictionary, one of those big ones. We had one; it was as big as a Thanksgiving turkey. The minute we got home, I took my stuff up to my room, and then came back down and got a little folding table, the kind you use to eat at the TV, which we sometimes did and picked up the heavy dictionary and put it on it. It was just the right height now, to read, like a book.Our front door opened and closed, and it was Betty, with two friends, both cousins and very pretty. They all came in the room, with my 2nd cousin Shirley asking me, “What are you doing, Priest?”Was she flirting?“I’m reading the dictionary, Cuzz,” I said.“Why would anybody read the dictionary?” she asked leaning behind me rather closely.“Well, when I’m all done, I never need to read another. Me? Was I too pushy? Did I show my love for you too much or not enough? Or were you afraid you were not man enough to cope with my needs? Did you not realize that my love for you could have released that man that I could see was crying out to be understood? Did you know that when I looked into your eyes I could see the loneliness and emptiness of an unfulfilled soul? I could have helped you to overcome your worries, shown you how to open your heart and unlock the passions buried deep inside you. I could have shown you how to give and receive love, proved to you that you are all the man you ever hoped you could be! Do these thoughts of mine reach out to you in the dead of the night? Do you hear my cries? Do you understand that my tears are not only for me but for you too, for the cruel waste of a man that was always there, but you let the spirit die. You let the one thing that could bring you alive, slip away from you. You once told me you loved me. How will I ever know if that was.
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