The next most astonishing thing was the women themselves. Now, I realize I have a few issues and insecurities, but I don't think I'm too bad on the eyes. What shocked me was that most of the applicants (and the ones who replied soonest) were really good looking. I had set up interviews as soon as I could and in the order I received the forms. As the quantity grew, I was delighted with the opportunity to narrow my criteria and be able to pick and choose. When they started coming in, I was amazed by what I saw, and I started noting how outright beautiful some were. (Yes, we girls can be very critical of each other, sometimes quite catty, but most of us know a good looking woman when we see one: how else do we know when to get jealous?)As I said, I think it was when I saw the applicants that I modified my plans. I have, at times, found myself to be attracted to other women, and I thought it was a natural thing. Maybe it was because I hadn't had sex in six months (my last boyfriend dumped. Defib again, several times, more epinephrine, eventually put back together enough to be put on a ventilator and wheeled to the ICU, not expected to make it more than a few hours.When they’d connected the EEG and gotten only alpha wave activity of uniform frequency and amplitude, zero variation, and nothing at all on either beta or theta waves even when they’d applied stimuli, they had assumed all their efforts were wasted. Too much time without oxygen, too much blood loss, too much damage; it wasn’t a surprise, they said, just a disappointment. Nobody likes to fail, especially people at the top of their profession.But all of this was lost on me. I was “there”, of course, but not really there. I burned a little O2, generated a little body heat, required some changes of bandages, produced a bit of urine through the catheter, all of which they carefully monitored, but I was a lump of meat.The medical team stayed in touch with my sister, Ella, and at the end of the first week,.
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